---
layout: post
title: 'Pheking News: Food poisoning, bun samosas and radical beards'
categories: [wona, column]
tag: phekingnews
---

Disclaimer: All animals harmed while researching for this article had signed complicated consent forms. 

A lot of mystery surrounds the food poisoning issue in the Rajendra Bhawan Mess which through a strange leap of logic led both the canteen guy and the unsuspecting fruit stall guy to be scrounging their next meal. A committee was constituted to clear the air so that people don't die of curiosity (which is still a terminal disease in some third world countries). WatchOut! got Dr. Lovely Ahluwalia, professor of the Humanities Department and the Chairman of What Was Wrong With Wednesday's Watery Dal Committee (WWWWWWDC) to discuss what was wrong with Wednesday's watery dal.

**WONA:** So, Dr. Ahluwalia. What really was wrong with Wednesday's watery dal?

**Lovely:** Nothing.

**WONA:** Huh? What about the two laptops, 42 bun samosas and the Bangladeshi illegal immigrant rats we paid for?

**Lovely:** I didn't say there was no problem. The problem just wasn't in the dal. In fact, the rats you paid for were instrumental in finding the real issue. The rats were divided into two groups. The control group ate in the mess and watched Game of Thrones all day. The experimental group ate the same food but were made to appear for exams on subjects like Physics and Behavioural Science. The first group, led a normal life for two years before dying when a basket of apples fell on them. Most of the rats died on impact while the rest died of curiosity as to why the apples had to fall downwards. The experimental group had symptoms ranging from upset stomachs and hair loss to snorting milk powder.  A spike in symptoms was noticed before the Electronics exam.

**WONA:** So, logically…

**Lovely:** So, logically, not having any more exams is the only way we can deal with terrorism. In fact, Osama bin Laden was forced to take up arms and to grow that really sexy radical beard of his after repeatedly failing MA-102. We were led to this conclusion when we noticed a group of rats with equally radical but not quite as sexy beards trying to buy nuclear weapon blueprints from Russia. When you come to think of it, the Taliban is doing humanity a great deal by shutting down schools in SWAT valley. I think Obama is just pissed off at the Taliban for having sexy radical beards.

**WONA:** But.. but.. really? Terrorism and exam stress?

**Lovely [breathing intensifies] :** You don't see the big picture. I mean, how difficult is it to see that Exam stress is the root of all the world's problems, from recession to scarcity of swiss roll in Alpahar. The world really has to start focussing more on the issues that really matter.
We were unable to continue the interview when Dr. Ahluwalia dropped dead from a sudden heart attack. Though the autopsy results are still awaited, the word in the air is that the attack was caused due to a pulmonary artery blockage he got from eating too many bun samosas.
Dr. Ahluwalia, a loving husband and a reluctant father of two, struggled with MA-102 for 6 years before the institute gave up on him and made him a professor in the HS Department . He also served as a member of the controversial Tuesday Dal Committee (TDC) which linked the surging popularity of MTV Roadies with certain unidentified contaminants in Tuesday's watery dal, way back in 2005. He will always be remembered for his love of bun samosas and his unhealthy obsession with beards.