diff --git a/_posts/2025-08-01-3pair-short.md b/_posts/2025-08-01-3pair-short.md deleted file mode 100644 index bd4b3f9..0000000 --- a/_posts/2025-08-01-3pair-short.md +++ /dev/null @@ -1,103 +0,0 @@ ---- -layout: post -title: "Why You Need at Least 3 Pairs of Shoes Before the World Ends" -image: 3pair.jpg -tags: [wona, column] -category: editorial -tags: [wona, column] -author: Adrija Jayant -excerpt: "Hello to pretty strangers, and how you doin’ to the even prettier ones, the philosophers, and the people who still wear socks with holes in them—probably paired with worn-out Bata slippers that have seen better days." ---- - - -# Why You Need at Least 3 Pairs of Shoes Before the World Ends -*A Treatise on Footwear, Fate, and the Fragility of Civilization* - -## Greetings from the edge of the abyss - -Hello to pretty strangers, and how you doin’ to the even prettier ones, the philosophers, and the people who still wear socks with holes in them—probably paired with worn-out Bata slippers that have seen better days. - -Today, we must discuss something of dire importance. Not taxes, not the inevitable heat death of the universe, not even the fact that we still don’t know how eels reproduce (though, truly, what are they hiding?). - -This is about why, before the world descends into fiery oblivion, slow bureaucratic decay and credit card debt, you need at least *three pairs of shoes*. - -As the great inventor, Steve Jobs might have said if he'd focused more on footwear and less on Macs: -*"Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower - and nothing innovates your survival chances like proper arch support."* - -## The Duality of Shoes: Survival and Swagger - -Since the dawn of time, humanity has been obsessed with two things: not dying, and looking good while not dying. Shoes, my friend, are the ultimate expression of that duality. - -Not only do they protect you from rogue Lego bricks (toddler-engineered pain traps), but they’re also a message to your better-off friends: _"Hey, I’ve got my life together too. Look at these laces. Look at this arch support on my crisp Nike Air Force 1s. I am a functioning adult (early 20s btw)."_ - -The ancient Greeks had a saying: "Know thyself." We humbly add: "And know thy terrain." - -Now, let’s simulate doomsday scenarios: - -**Scenario 1**: You’re sprinting from a pack of feral dogs. Your only shoes? Crocs (war mode activated). -**Verdict:** Dead. - -**Scenario 2**: Trekking across a radioactive wasteland. Your only shoes? Stilettos. -**Verdict:** Dead (but fabulously). - -**Scenario 3**: Trying to impress the last surviving human. Your only shoes? Toe shoes. -**Verdict**: Emotionally deceased. - -You see the pattern. One pair is a liability. Two’s a compromise. But three? Three pairs is _wisdom._ - -## The Tarot of Terrain: Choosing Your Trio - -Shoes carry the energy of where you’ve been and where you’re headed. So, you should be choosing your pairs accordingly: - -- **For Strength** – Woodland combat boots. Nothing says _“I eat concrete for breakfast”_ like footwear that can double as a weapon. -- **For Speed** – Puma running shoes, for when you need to outrun both chaos _and_ your own poor decisions. -- **For Soul** – The wildcard. Maybe Crocs, because _irony is the last language to die in the apocalypse_. - -## Capitalism’s Eulogy, As told by its ghosts - -Here’s what the silent witnesses of civilization have to say about the Three-Shoe Principle: - -_**1. A Sentient, Deeply Traumatized Shoe Rack**_ - -"I’ve held 27 pairs in my lifetime. Only three survived the Great Puppy Chewing Incident of ‘19. Learn from their sacrifice." - -The shoe rack’s trauma is not its own. It is the trauma of demand. To hold 27 pairs, then watch 24 vanish to the jaws of fate (or a teething Labrador), is to understand capitalism’s first law: **abundance is an illusion.** - -_**2. A Cursed Payless Loafer(s) (Left Shoe Only)**_ - -"My right half was lost in a divorce settlement. My owner wore mismatched shoes for a year. Be better than him." - -We are all just one disaster away from mismatched Payless loafers, clinging to the myth that more **choices mean more control**. As the left shoe quietly mutters from its divorce settlement, _"The system breaks pairs first, then people."_ - -Coco Chanel nailed the blend of need and narcissism: "The best things in life are free. The second best are very, very expensive." -Love, friendship, sunsets-these are priceless. But survival instinct? Free. Surviving in style? That’s a Visa transaction. - -Chanel forgot to mention the corollary: "The third-best things are on sale, the fourth-best are in landfills, and the fifth-best will strangle you with their laces during the riot." - -It's funny how irrational our consumer logic becomes under pressure. It's funny, absurd and sad just like capitalism, which, like bad footwear, narrows your choices until "dignity" means choosing which blisters to ignore. - -So when you buy your three pairs, ask: are these for walking, or for believing? The escalator is broken. The shoe rack weeps. The only upward mobility left is the kind you can outrun your demons in. Choose accordingly. - -## A Warning About Borrowed Footwear - -You need to have your own, three, distinct pairs of shoes. Because the last thing you’d want is to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Especially someone who owns a single, old, holed pair. That is a shortcut to bad decisions, and limpy regrets. - -This is the paradox of preparedness: by curating your own trio, you reject the passive suffering of those who borrow, scavenge, or make do. - -And, just in case Elon Musk decides to drag you to Mars, at least mog the aliens with your stylish kicks. The least you can do as a surviving human is flex on extraterrestrials. - -## The Final Plea - -And so, brothers in existential footwear, what if civilization decides to collapse on itself tomorrow? - -The government, distracted by tax fraud and Twitter, won’t warn you. The news anchors will be too busy debating if pineapple belongs on pizza to tell you that society is on its last legs. - -So now, take my advice, and before next Tuesday, do yourself a favor and buy three pairs of shoes. Not because you’re materialistic, but because, in the end, the difference between survival and regret might just be a well-timed purchase from the clearance section. - -Because in the end, as the Buddha nearly said while shopping at Adidas: _"Pain is inevitable - blisters are optional." Choose wisely._ - -If you remain enough of a lunatic to argue that the world won’t end, well then you’ve got yourself a wonderful wardrobe and a lifetime to spend flaunting your newly bought shoes on dates that will never end happily. - -And well, if the world does end, at least you will die with your laces tied. - -Read the extended version here! diff --git a/_posts/2025-08-01-3pair-long.md b/_posts/2025-08-01-3pairs-of-shoes.md similarity index 99% rename from _posts/2025-08-01-3pair-long.md rename to _posts/2025-08-01-3pairs-of-shoes.md index 3b7cf9d..a8e664f 100644 --- a/_posts/2025-08-01-3pair-long.md +++ b/_posts/2025-08-01-3pairs-of-shoes.md @@ -1,7 +1,7 @@ --- layout: post -title: "Why You Need at Least 3 Pairs of Shoes Before the World Ends - EXTENDED" -image: 3pair.jpg +title: "Why You Need at Least 3 Pairs of Shoes Before the World Ends" +image: 3pairmore.png tags: [wona, column] category: editorial tags: [wona, column] diff --git a/images/posts/3pairmore.png b/images/posts/3pairmore.png new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f34676f Binary files /dev/null and b/images/posts/3pairmore.png differ